Day 20... Beyond Avoidance.What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

What I did do that I was very scared to do was... fill out AND submit an application/resume to the local elementary school for casual substitute teaching, etc; this was the easy part!  Taking the first aid course was the killer.  I've been home for 16 years and haven't had to use my brain in this way since way before our son was born.(approx 18 years)  The thought of the 8 hour course with complete strangers and the mandatory TEST at the end of the day was enough to make me sick.  I was stressed, sleep didn't come easy, worry ruled my mind, and I was nauseous every time I thought about it...I was close to bailing!  Thank goodness, the day before the course was to start, somehow I coerced a friend to take it with me...what a blessing I'll tell ya!  Without this course, I wouldn't be able to work in the school.  It seems like its the new trend...employers want 2 things...a graduation diploma as well as some sort of first aid ticket.

I learned a lot and passed the multiple choice test!  'Phew' I thought ...as I wiped the sweat from my forehead and took a deep breath!  I felt so good on the drive home; like I just won a battle!  MISSION COMPLETE!

My friend and I laughed together on the way home, wondering how our kids survived their childhood days without proper procedure, and protocol!  'Clean' meant rinse with cold water, and apply a wad of toilette paper to the wound; not...wearing the proper 'first aid' rubber gloves, using sanitary cotton swabs...fresh ones with every wipe, and following the step by step guide to slap on a band aid.

Day 19...Healing. What healed you this year? Was it suddenly, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

I'VE BEEN RELEASED FROM...THE 'to do' LIST!

I used to use a daily list to justify my days as a 'stay-at-home' mom.  I would make a list of to-do's at the beginning of the day or, at the end of the day, I would make a list of everything I did do and cross it off; to justify my worth.  Often, I felt guilty for not working out of the home and bringing home a pay cheque. Before the lists, I would be speechless when asked the popular question "what do you do all day?"  The lists proved to me and to others that I was justified in the decision to be the 'stay at home' parent!

These days, I feel more confident as a person(thanks to the Lord for His truth, and my husbands DAILY encouraging support) and don't find the lists necessary.(although, I still write a list on occasion)  The benefits of our choice for me to stay home have been made clear over and over.  The list does not make me worthy...who I am makes me worthy.  This healing has been a process of baby steps over many years and now I know without a doubt,  I am loved and accepted unconditionally...even without a list of crossed off tasks!

MY WISH LIST FOR 2011...

I'd like my back to be 100% healed...no more PAIN!

I'd like to be healed from being so hard on myself!

I'd like to be healed from negative thinking and doubt!

Day 5...Let Go. What(or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

  This year, our one and only 15 year old son was giving us some serious signs that he desperately desired more responsibility and more freedom in his life...more independence was the message!("how did this happen?, where did the time go?, he can not be this old!...MORE independence?, is he ready?, can he handle it?")  It is hard being a parent...it is also hard being a teen; that, I remember well!   The thought of being an 'old fashioned' parent never occurred to me until we watched an updated 'parenting' DVD; a jaw dropping, thought provoking  experience to say the least!  Clearly in this day in age, I am, we are OLD FASHIONED!  Apparently, we've been teaching and modeling old fashioned morals, values, and virtues...politeness, respect, thankfulness, the importance of faith, and hard work...  Throughout this journey, our son has taught us important lessons along the way.  The next lesson being,  that we need to let go and allow him more space so he in turn,  can grow and learn his next set of life lessons.  Its not easy cutting the apron strings... yet, we realize that it is necessary!  At least by cutting those apron strings before he moves out and on, he has a safe place to learn, and be lovingly guided through this process of independence. When I finally processed the fact that my boy had turned 15,  I panicked a wee bit, OK - a lot!!  You see, there is a resistance happening; I want to spend more time with him because our time is short, while he wants to start flying!  Reluctantly we've dug out the scissors and have begun to cut the strings...this has been no easy task! We're embracing all the the 'moments' we can with every snip!

Enjoy this song I found on youtube; I felt it was fitting...
"Fly away"